You'll forgive me for being late with the feedback? Because...because you're so forgiving that way? And because I have a chocolate bar with toffee I'm willing to share?
Ahem. Anyway. Feedback. First off, this:
When he and DG had first been drawn by the sounds of a beating, one that they had missed by ten annuals.
was eerie. And sad, because, oh, they would have helped, but it was ten annuals ago.
There's Cain aiming a gun at poor Glitch again! Glitch is remarkably forgiving about this, all things considered.
Loved this little detail:
Glitch let his smile grow and he set the bottle carefully back into its corner, right where the clean circle had been left in the dust.
I don't know why, it just shows Glitch being careful with Cain's belongings, and by extension, feelings. Also, wow, visually vivid.
“I was wondering when you’d planned to turn the heat on.”
Hee! Double entendre ftw!
I fell asleep in the sitting room one night, sharing some wine with the Queen.
This was eerie, too, how you barely mention the Queen but make her so sinister. What a duplicitous thing to do!
one whole, if a bit dusty and alone, the other damaged in its attempt to save a life and left with a silver scar.
The two horses, paralleling the two men, this was genius. Genius, I tell you. Silver scar! *flail*
Loved the whole thing, hope you don't mind me picking up a few of my favorite parts to exclaim and marvel over. Much enjoyed. ♥
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Date: 2010-02-21 06:44 pm (UTC)Ahem. Anyway. Feedback. First off, this:
When he and DG had first been drawn by the sounds of a beating, one that they had missed by ten annuals.
was eerie. And sad, because, oh, they would have helped, but it was ten annuals ago.
There's Cain aiming a gun at poor Glitch again! Glitch is remarkably forgiving about this, all things considered.
Loved this little detail:
Glitch let his smile grow and he set the bottle carefully back into its corner, right where the clean circle had been left in the dust.
I don't know why, it just shows Glitch being careful with Cain's belongings, and by extension, feelings. Also, wow, visually vivid.
“I was wondering when you’d planned to turn the heat on.”
Hee! Double entendre ftw!
I fell asleep in the sitting room one night, sharing some wine with the Queen.
This was eerie, too, how you barely mention the Queen but make her so sinister. What a duplicitous thing to do!
one whole, if a bit dusty and alone, the other damaged in its attempt to save a life and left with a silver scar.
The two horses, paralleling the two men, this was genius. Genius, I tell you. Silver scar! *flail*
Loved the whole thing, hope you don't mind me picking up a few of my favorite parts to exclaim and marvel over. Much enjoyed. ♥